Gosh, it's been a while since I've been here hasn't it? *blows the dust off*

I've been laying in bed with eleventy million thoughts buzzing around my brain as usual & I was compelled to write some of it down.  Sometimes that helps, just to have it down on paper somehow means I can put a pin in it for now & get some sleep knowing if it's important it's there, written down, for me to sort out & make sense of it when I'm awake & hopefully less tired & frustrated.

The dilemma I had was, do I buy a paper diary, write in it with a pen, the good old fashioned way, OR, do I grab the laptop & write in my blog?

Then of course the questions come pouring into my head.  Do people want to read about me, warts n' all?  Do people come to this blog knowing they'll get a frank & sometimes blunt & bleak glimpse into what makes me, Donna, tick?  Should I be writing down all the things that make me me, all the ups & downs (you should probably strap on a seatbelt if your answer is yes to that) OR do people come here just to see the fluffy, sugar coated Miss Red & what she's stitched recently & how her little business is progressing?

I really don't have the answers, & that's partly why I've not written here for a while.  I've been ill, struggled with pain, with mood, there's been a lot going on, a lot to cope with, & not really much fluffy nice stuff in my life recently.  

I wish you could respond as I write this, it's tricky being stuck here with just my own train of thought for input...


I question why I'd want to write the *real* things in a blog for all to see rather than keep them in a private diary hidden from the world.  A surprisingly selfless reason pops up, I'm not thinking of baring all out of some weird ego trip or to get sympathy or solutions, part of me just thinks there may be a few people out there going through similar things who might actually benefit or take comfort from knowing they're not alone.  I'm not saying my story is the same as theirs exactly, or that I have all the answers but I'm a real person, dealing as best I can with the issues I have & I'm not entirely sure it's helpful portraying myself as some mega clued up entrepreneur who never has any problems & is always bright & breezy.  I've been open about my M.E & depression from the beginning of this blog last year & it'd be unrealistic to say that in that time I've not had some pretty dark times.

Of course, even if it is a good idea to put everything out there, this blog is attached to Miss Red, my business.  Does it help then to keep things light & fluffy here & find some other forum for the more rounded & realistic view OR are people open to taking me as I am & accepting me as a whole person going through some tough situations but who also happens to be damn good at creating corsets, designing cross stitch patterns, making gorgeous embroidery & selling great value craft supplies?

What do you think?  Please do indulge me with a response, whether it's a comment here or private message, I really do value the opinions of the people who actually read this blog.

Thanks in advance & *huge hugs*

I'm not normally one for posting about dead celebrities but my respect goes out to Robin Williams making it his life's work to make the world smile whilst battling with depression himself.  

His apparent suicide is a loss to many & the probable cause close to home so I won't say more, I'll just leave this here:

Do you keep to-do lists?  I do.  Trouble is I tend to keep adding to my list all day more than crossing things off so by the end of the day I have a longer list!  Well, today my list got shorter...and I did some awesome plotting that wasn't on the list too :D

In good news my website & Ebay listings are all now up to date & the majority of what I have to sell is now also on Pinterest.  I have a draft ready to go for the next newsletter (I'm just deciding what I can do to thank my lovely subscribers for adding themselves to my mailing list), if you've not already added yourself you can do that here.  I've made up a bunch of cross stitch kits so they're ready to post & have all orders parcelled up & ready to go - organised eh?

Today I've also been talking to another awesome artist who I'm really excited about working with but it's hush hush until things are all finalised.  I might even tell my newsletter subscribers first ;)

There are also plans afoot to get more Miss Red goodies out there in real shops.  Did you know that as well as using the internet you can go outside to shops that are actual buildings?  I know, weird eh? :p

Unfortunately for this blog post my productive day doesn't have a whole lot of pictures I can show for it.

Here's stuff I finished earlier this week:

Great British Bake Off ain't got nothin' on me! ;)

Right, I'm off to eat some of that...now I've seen it my tummy wants some!  Byeeeee

P.S: I'm only 7 likes off of 400 on Facebook, I'd love a little share to push me over the milestone if you don't mind ;)

...head squirrels that is.  You know them?  They're all distracting with their fluffy cuteness but if you get up close they can be quite scratchy & bitey & everything they leave behind is nuts!

I've had a right old problem with the head squirrels this last few weeks or so.  For me they come out a lot in the sunny weather, my body can't regulate my temperature so I'm feeling exhausted & in pain, which in time invites depression & anxiety to take hold, meanwhile positivity is off having a nap in a dark room somewhere.  Perfect squirrel conditions!

As most of you know my business is still just a new one, around 7 months in I'm still really building the foundation & finding you gorgeous ideal audience members...yeah, you there, I saw you drooling over that corset earlier, did you know you can have it in any size, shape or fabric you want? ;) 

I digress.

My point is, nobody expects me to have earned my first million within 7 months of business do they?  (Do they?!?)  So why, when the squirrels invade, do I think I'm useless at this whole self employed lark because all I've managed is not to go into overdraft? NUTS!!!  

In reality, my last wage was over a year ago & I've supported myself since then.  How many people could truthfully say that if their wages stopped tomorrow without warning they could survive a year without outside financial assistance?  My guess is not many!

Yes, it would be fantastic to be living comfortably & never to be thinking "jeez, I really need to get a proper job" but I'm hanging on in there & I have A PLAN & I'm not going to let the squirrels win!

I do have a teeny tiny favour to ask to help me out a little, & I suspect those of you who haven't stopped reading already are just the kind of lovely people who will help me out.

If you see something from Miss Red you like or know someone else would like, share it. 

You can tell just one other person about it, shout it from the rooftops, plaster it over the whole of the internet but pretty please with cherries on top, don't keep it to yourself. 

You could start my sharing my Facebook page, Twitter, the website, the newsletter or even just a particular product.  It'll probably take about 30 seconds, you could do it right now ;)

Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

This time last year I'd just received my final wages from my last job.

I'd started as a temp at this government quango & after a year of glowing reports, pay rises & contract extensions I was *promoted* into a permanent role.  Much as I missed teaching I knew my health wasn't up to a full time teaching role so begrudgingly accepted, relieved that my financial situation would at least become stable.

Little did I know it would all be downhill from there, the new role being nothing like the temporary roles I'd done & essentially turning me into a phone monkey.  No offence meant to anyone who works in call centre/contact centre, in fact hats off to you!  As someone with severe anxiety issues & a phone phobia I'd never have accepted the post had I been aware of the change in role!  I approached my line manager who assured me despite being put through phone training I'd soon be back in my administrative post because it would be a busy period for my team & I knew more about the process than anyone on the team (including/especially her!)  Of course just a couple of months later it'd be my word against hers that she'd made these reassurances & she'd convince management that I'd known all along what I was agreeing to when I accepted the job.  (8 hours a day on the phone being told when I'm allowed to leave my desk & watching bimbling idiots around me stuffing up the job I *used* to do really well)

After 5 months off ill followed by being pushed too hard on a phased return & being ill again occupational health & other medical professionals were unanimous in the decision that redeployment was the way forward.  Shortly after this decision was formalised I was brought in for a *redeployment* meeting.  Allegedly there was no position to move me to, despite hiring 3 new staff members to carry out the job I'd managed without illness and with glowing reports for several months.  Since I'd already had my trial period extended by three months it was decided I was incapable of carrying out the role I was hired for (no shit Sherlock!) so therefore I no longer had a job.

Obviously it hadn't been my ideal job but it had been my lifeline for almost 2 years & to suddenly just stop having any income came as a shock as well as causing many sleepless nights & exacerbating my ME .  Having already been turned down for DLA (but in the process of appealing it) I had no idea how I'd pay the bills & no optimism where new employment was concerned with over 100 sick days under my belt.  Already in a very dark place it did nothing for my mental health either, it's very difficult trying to see a silver lining when even somewhere you don't want to work but slog your heart out for doesn't think it's worth giving you a break.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger apparently ;)

M.E has pretty much stopped me in my tracks this week but there has been a little bit of progress so here goes.

Firstly it's Avon week so I've been packing up goodies & getting books & posters out.

I decided to read a bit more of the instruction book for my embroidery machine & have a stab at machine appliqué.  As a result I learned that it's best to not start with tiny fiddly things & that it's best to stick down your appliqué rather than rely on it sitting still on the sewing machine.  Despite that I don't think my first attempt came out too bad at all & I shall be having a few more practice runs but then getting stuck into some of the ideas I've got for it.

Good old Cthulu, slowly getting there with this.  Loving how it's looking, hopefully next week this will be a completed Cthulu!

I have to give credit to the lovely Victoria for this idea as she suggested it to me a little while ago & it's turned out fab!  

I'd love to hear your cross stitch suggestions, what would you love to see me create a pattern of?

Please do send me your suggestions, either in writing or if you're an arty type send me a drawing & I'll turn it into across stitch!  

I'm back from Germany!  Well, I got back on Monday but wow, holidays are exhausting these days, I've only managed about 4 hours of not being stuck in bed since getting back.

People who know me know I regularly go to Blackfield Festival in Gelsenkirchen, Germany.  It's a fab festival held in Amphitheatre Gelsenkirchen & it's usually a lovely relaxed festival, being able to sit & see the bands from wherever you sit & with just one stage no chance of all your favourite bands clashing.  (Also with the added bonus of proper plumbed toilets & being able to stay in a hotel...festival camping ain't for the faint hearted!)

This year was a little different as I've had to admit I can't keep up with my friends doing a 3 day festival without a little help so I had to take my scooter.  

Change 1 - flights.  We normally fly so that's no different this time in itself, but we did have to book special assistance to save standing around in queues & trying to fit through gaps my scooter wouldn't wind through.  I have to say on this score Luton airport were flawless.  Reporting in to special assistance the 4 of us whizzed through security without a hitch & in record time then got picked up from the bar where we went for food.  Being bundled into the back of a van was a little disconcerting at the time, mostly due to the prison van/kidnappy feel but they drove us all to the plane in that, took my scooter & loaded it onto the plane then lifted us up to the door for us to walk on board (in theory we were supposed to go on first but food took longer to arrive than we were told it'd be so we were a little late.)

Germany was quite surprising in that I found myself thinking England do it better - I can't recall saying that before!  Apparently in Germany there's no kidnappy van, there's just a couple of weedy chaps with a wheelchair to lift you up & down the plane stairs!  I'm sure they must be stronger than they look but there was no chance I was gonna let them give themselves hernias & risk dropping my heftier than ever butt down those metal steps!

Change 2 - hotel.  Having asked for a disabled room upon booking we were told there were none available.  Thankfully when we arrived one of the 2 rooms we were given was directly above the disabled rooms & so the same layout, if this hadn't been the case I suspect I'd have really struggled getting in & out with my scooter.

Change 3 - the festival!  Firstly I have to point out that free disabled parking was granted (although the confirmation didn't arrive until I was already in Germany so I wasn't aware I'd had it.)  Secondly a free carer ticket was offered, though slightly trickier to have confirmed if you're not from Germany so don't have a handicapped ID card.  Thanks to a very helpful friend with contacts that got resolved (name dropping ftw!)

Now, the organisers of Blackfield in their defence did attempt to make disabled provisions.  A separate disabled toilet was available & attendants locked & unlocked it as required, making sure not just anyone could use it (luckily for you that means I won't have to start on my rant about able bodied people who're perfectly capable of queuing & using the normal toilets stopping me getting into the one disabled cubicle...aargh!)  

The actual amphitheatre obviously causes issues of it's own, with huge stone steps no scooter would ever manage.  The top row was indeed coned off for disabled attendees, but with that row being the width of your average wheelchair once you're on you're stuck there, blocked on by everyone else in chairs, or more often, dancing standing people who've just decided they need that ONE STEP more than any disabled person could.  On a scooter it just wasn't really safe to go along that step very far, only able to get off by reversing & with a pretty dangerous drop if ones drunken steering around stubborn awkward & selectively deaf able bodied people was sub par. As a result I parked my scooter behind the end of the row & sat watching ignorant people's backsides for most of the festival.  Seriously, who pushes past someone in a mobility scooter shoving them sideways only to stand a foot in front of them knowing they can't just stand up or skip along somewhere else to see?  My new most used German phrase is "bewegen sie bitte, mir im weg sind sie."
Apologies if you speak German & the grammar sucks, I've never learned the language other than by being there (I'm great at ordering beer) & that's just what google told me when I was getting angry at watching people's bums!  Unfortunately most of the people in wheelchairs suffered the same issues since the rows in front of the disabled row didn't suggest that anyone not stand up there & it would appear consideration & brain cells were seriously lacking. By the last day I was just feeling too rough to deal with it all so stayed around the hotel for a more relaxing day.

In better news I did manage the odd glimpse of bands, my bestie was there making things less stressful where possible & the bunch of friends we were there with helped by being there for the odd chat & beers to wind down at the end of each day.  

As much as it sucks to have to do Blackfield the uber-spoonie way it's still an awesome festival & I hope I can continue to go each year.

Next job - feedback email to the organisers!

(The laundry can wait, right?)

Wednesday again & it's all go today.  I've had a morning of battling through legal waffle to get me all up to date on Consumer Protection changes.  I'm just really glad to have had help from Nicola over at Handcrafted Academy & Business Success for Handcrafters because the documentation is loooong & made my brain hurt - but by jove I think I've got it now!

So, the rest of the day is a bit of stitching & a visit from the big little bro & his brood of sproglets to hand over his embroidery ahead of the Performance Vauxhall Show at the weekend where he'll be sporting his awesome embroidered hoodie & t-shirt (not that I'm biased ;) )

Not too far off finished with this one now, I love how it's coming out.

And this one's sooooo big it's taking forever.

Righty ho, back to work...some riveting reading for this afternoon.  Wish me luck!

Tentacles!

That eye keeps looking at me as I'm stitching the rest...

Also, nearly finished with the bag.  This one has a clear window in the front to display my AVON books. :D

There were some little offcuts so there's also a matching lady bear skirt for one of my little helpers & a ruffle for my hair.

Bit of wandering the streets in the rain delivering flyers in the hope of gaining new Independent AVON Representatives for my team too.  If you think that's something you'd like to do then pop along here and join my team ;)

Manylots of embroidery bits to do next - busy busy.  But for now, it's time for a cuppa :)